Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Logical Flaws

I like to think of myself as a logical, reasonable, and rational person.

That is why Christmas makes NO sense to me.

I wonder if people really know that Jesus was not born on December 25, but was actually born in the spring/summer time (there were baby sheep at his birth, what mammal gives birth in the winter?). Besides, December 25 was the pagan holiday of Saturnalia. The whole idea of having Christmas on Saturnalia was to make Christianity appeal to the pagans. And did the pagans bite? They sure did. But they made sure to leave a mark. And now, thousands of years later, the pagans have retaken Christmas as people leave the churches empty and the shops full, forgetting to worship God but worshipping the almighty (but fluctuating) dollar.

Happy Saturnalia folks.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

There is a blood sucker on my arm and it is ticking me off

I have certain pet peeves. One, and probably the only thing I will address in this entry (yes, there will be more pet peeve entries) is when people do not say, "Thank you." Especially when I hold the door open for them or go out of my way to ensure that it stays open for them. Not even a thankful nod or a gracious smile. They don't say thank you, but I say, "You're welcome" regardless. It makes me smile inside because I just subtlely owned them. Heh.

Also, regarding, "Thank you," I don't like when people don't say thanks when somebody says bless you. Practically everybody says thanks after somebody says it. Sure, there are those that don't say thanks and yes, I know, it is not automatically right just because the majority is doing it (cases in point: slavery, believing Jesus is a deity, stealing office supplies). But let's say that you just sneezed twice in a row and I said "bless you" both times after you sneezed, you can offer thanks no matter your faith from Agnostic to Zen. And then if you sneeze another time, you might hear me say, "Now you're asking too much." And we would laugh and we would have a connection for a second. But if you didn't say thanks at all then your continuous sneezes will just be awkward if you expect anything from me.

Or I could take my camera out and take pictures of you mid-sneeze and post them on Facebook*.

*I don't have facebook anymore, I disabled that ish.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Dark Circles and Light Naps

There are few positive words to describe the physical transformation of people from the first day of orientation to today. There are many positive words (eventually) to describe the mental transformation of people from the first day of orientation to today. There are a lot less positive words to describe the emotional hardening of people from the first day of orientation to today.

I can feel my brain becoming more analytical and in tune with the concept of logic whenever something comes my way. I listen to the news and I only hear elements. I see interactions and I think of possible torts. I do not care much for people's opinions but rather how they are saying whatever it is that they feel necessary to say by opening their mouth.

People have dark circles under their eyes. Pretty much everybody does. Nobody gives a crap though. Because these dark circles show the amount one has been studying. And when game day arrives, then all will see if those dark circles were worth it.

Or if the person just straight up falls asleep during the test.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I ain't trading my kids for no nigga

One thing unique about my law school is that it is, apparently, the only law school in the country that is situated right next to state and federal courthouses. It is an "out of the frying pan and into the fire" mentality. Another unique thing is the bus route around the area. Anybody who wants to be picked up from the law school is picked up after people are picked up from the courthouse. This means there are all sorts of people on the bus ride, usually a pissed off person who has been "screwed by the system". Today, on the bus, a woman was talking about being in some type of program for over 23 months. Somebody had apparently said that they were sentenced to the program for 7 months. The woman scoffed and said that was unrealistic. If somebody had a 7 month sentence to the program and only spent a maximum of 7 months in it, then it is like flying Delta Airlines and having a 100% on time rate. It just does not happen. The 23+ month program resulted in one's children being taken away. The woman said, "I ain't trading my kids for no nigga." I left the bus at that point. I am not sure what happened thereafter.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Finals and Chinese Food

The core subjects kick off their marathon on Thursday with a good ol' Torts final. The day has been renamed Tortsday. All the test takers are tortoises. I have a craving for tortillas. All this studying will give me Tortet's Syndrome. Man the missile torts and fire when ready! These past couple sentences have been tortally lame.

I cannot wait until this Torts final is over because I am craving Chinese food and I think it would be enjoyable to eat after taking that final. This entry is short because DUHHHHHHH I should be sleeping now. Not blogging.

My fingers were negligent this entire entry. Each finger and thumb must pay their proportional damages. The jury would establish how much each finger owes by seeing how many of each letter has been typed because my fingers are good like that. And then my thumbs will have to pay for every space. Ha. Take that thumbs! ;a;a;aa;a;a;;a;a;a;a;a;a;a;a;a;a;a;a also, take that rinky dink pinky!

I'm just kidding, Fingers and Thumbs, don't fail me tomorrow.

Break Downs and Break Ups (sorry Reagan, not regarding walls)

This entry is a continuance of finals season.  Yesterday, I saw a girl have a severe breakdown.  Major breakdown.  I can understand because her computer broke down.  And then her eyes went mad googly. 

I have rarely seen googly eyes on people. 

I didn't know which way she was looking but she was definitely looking down.  

Along with finals season, especially this first time, comes the "holiday" season.  (Arthur's sidenote:  My name is not Arthur.)  (Author's sidenote:  I hate homonyms.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  I have no malice for them, just as I have no malice for heteronyms.)  (Seriously, author's sidenote:  I have holiday in quotation marks because I don't believe a lot of people celebrate the days for their holy reasons.  It is more of a sellabration.  Person: "Oh? You are selling a bration?  I will take three!"  Look, I am not selling any brations.  Person: "I'll give you $300 for each.  My kids are dying to have one."  I don't even think brations exist.  Abrasions exist, though.  I could give you abrasions by rubbing your skin with sandpaper, or perhaps rubbing your spoiled kids with sandpaper.  Maybe I would smooth out their flaws.  Or I could sandpaper my baseball bat and hit you upside the head, hoping to knock some sense into you because if you are celebrating Christmas then celebrate it for the right reasons [which are actually the wrong reasons historically, even religiously] but that is not for this type of blog.  Just know that.  There will be a test.)

Right, so the "holiday" season.  People like to get festive all of a sudden.  I do not know what festive means.  I think it means "Here are some lights in front of my house.  I will now chop a tree down from the outside, bring it inside, and let it die."  Or perhaps it means, "Hi.  I know you. I like you.  Here is something I did not want so I am giving it to you with the gift receipt so that you can return it and keep the money.  Unless you want me to give you $12.79 in an envelope."  

But during finals season, nobody can be festive.  Nobody can be jolly.  Nobody can be solemn. Nobody can be jollemn.  They are a glum un-jollemn.  They are a . . . gollum?  

So people yell.  They get angry.  Their nerves are at wit's end.  Cracking gum, the wrong inflection in a voice, duty's owed to oneself, it all gets to people.  And with all that happening on this end, the people on the other end of people's lives get agitated because they want to know what's wrong, they want to help, they want to be there in the student's life.  But they cannot and, well, they should not (not from a distance, anyways).  Relationships were never meant to be long-distance.  If they are meant to be (like mine) then they will last.  If not, then, well, I don't know.  Tough.  Make it a short-distance relationship.  Do something about it.  Law school consumes your life, it will.  But once it ends (this semester at least), well, the break will be nice.  

And we will repeat in May.  

I can't wait.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Some Stress, No Z's, All Tests, No B's

Ugh-nother day spent in the engorging embrace of my mistress, Leah B. Rary. She is suffocating me. Always asking "Where are you?" and "Why are you not in me?" and "Why do you only come over when nobody is looking? Are you ashamed of me?" LEAVE ME ALONE YOU VILE, PESTILENT WOMAN!

The study room is oddly warm and I am oddly sleepy. Well, it is not so odd because I have been here since the early AM. I don't even know what time. The sun was down and the stars were up. That is all I know anymore. The sun is a figment of my imagination for this month. I only see it from inside a room, through a plated glass window. I think the windows are made durable enough so that nobody can jump through them but, then again, the third floor has no bars from one jumping off and falling to the lobby below.

Negligent? I don't know anymore.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Becoming A Menace to Society

My professor enjoys giving life commentary amidst his esoteric teaching. Today's lesson was to find enjoyment, entertainment, and fun through reading. The hidden subcontext was to throw out your television because, as my professor is apt to say, televisions are for stupid people.

For the marathon month of finals, I have taken to sleeping in the evening for a few hours and waking up at 1 or 2 AM and coming to the library and just staying there until classes.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


What do I hope to accomplish through this blog?  I hope that this can be an outlet for me in which I can just type things related to being a law student with as little whining as possible.  If you have gone through law school, you may remember the stress that you went through and the post-traumatic stress disorder that may have resulted as to why you tie a striped/dotted/solid/colorful noose around your neck everyday.  If you are going through law school, you do not need to hear about another's whinings.  If you are about to attend law school, I won't give away all the whinings.  If you are thinking about law school, don't let this detract you; there is a terrific job waiting for you (probably).  If you have no idea what you are doing here, welcome.

As a LegalSmeagol, I imagine I will go through fits of paranoia, fits of happiness, instances of feeling free, and hopeless realizations that I am a slave to the system.  

It should be a terrific road, these next few years.  

* * * * * *

Oh, by the way, I do have a life outside of law school.

hahahahah just kidding.  

But seriously, kind of truth?

I am listening to Kanye West's new album and am enjoying it as I touch up my Civil Procedure outline.  Um.  Word of advice.  Work on your outline throughout the semester as soon as your professor finishes a major subject heading.  Seriously.  

Or just learn the hard way, the most efficient way to learn.  

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Cheating on the Law

I do not understand how people attempt to manage relationships while in law school. I further do not understand how people get into relationships while in law school. And not just with any person, but with a person from the same school. I guess they find somebody attractive and pursue it, not realizing that everybody in their year is their rival. And then, once in a relationship, what is the point? If you are paying tens of thousands of dollars a year to be in law school, are you paying all that to be mediocre? I highly doubt it. Essentially, being in a relationship while in law school means that somebody is being cheated on.

And that somebody is Lady Justice.

Who cares that she is blindfolded and won't see you? She'll sense it when you get that not so great grade.

How do I know this? Because I have enough trouble maintaining friendships, a relationship must be twice as hard! Why is that? That is because in law school, going to class is 30% of the battle. The rest of the 94% is reading, understanding, and applying. Oddly, if you have done the reading and the understanding, it is a tad difficult to automatically apply whatever it is that has been learnt. One has to turn to actively engage in doing the hypotheticals until their life becomes hypathetical.

Yes, yes, one should not let law school take control over their life, but it is pretty difficult to separate the two. And that is when the realization occurs that the student is now cheating on their loved one with Lady Law. And when the student's significant other ultimately realizes the neglect that results, he/she does not know what to do. He/she will try to get in more time with the student because of the emotional bond that is present in a relationship. That bond is pretty important. It is a fire that one must feed and stoke. If it is not fed, if the student thinks that the fire will burn on the ashen remains of what was, then the student is sorely mistaken.

It is a fine balance.

Especially come finals time when literally every breathing moment is dedicated to studying for finals and the extended blink, which has become the new method of sleep, is done solely out of necessary purposes to recharge.

Is anybody at fault in these situations? A person can be at fault, especially when he/she gets together while in law school with a fellow student. I do not agree with that. If you are going to get into a relationship, get with somebody where law would be the last thing on his/her mind. Otherwise, that sounds like a super boring life. So go for the girl you know back home, or find out more about the man that you know through a friend.

Because, after all, Lady Law is blind, she won't see you.

...for now.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Memost Fun I've Had

It is 3 AM.  My memo is due in 12 hours.  I'm pretty much done.  I am only awake because I returned home from school just a bit ago.  I came by taxi.  I only had a twenty for an eight dollar ride.  So I got twelve dollars in change...aka I have twelve one dollar bills.  I feel mad rich.  

* * * * * 

In the final days and moments before memos are due and hopes are shattered, people start whispering what their memo has and questions are lightning bolted across classrooms by way of the almighty instant message.  Of course, nobody really has a clue as to what is going on and so we are witness to the question conversation:
"How many cases did you have for the admiralty act section?"  
"What admiralty act section?  I don't think there was an admiralty act section.  Wasn't this case about farming?"
"What do you mean there was no admiralty act section?"  
"Wait, did I do the wrong research problem?"

and classic favorites such as:

"How big is your IRACtion?  My IRACtion is so huge."
"What font size are your punctuation marks?"
"Don't you just hate *insert crime researched for way too long*"

I should be able to take any state case that dealt with my problem, look at the fact pattern, and instantly be able to tell if the crime was committed or not.  Just like that.  Now, all I have to do is multiply this times about 500 and I should be good for the BAR!

* * * * *

If the door doesn't hit you on the way out, the loans will.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Frozen in a Time Vortex

My law school has a habit of teasing me. I will enter the school and be welcomed by warmth (it is pretty cold outside). But, hours later, when I am in the crux of my studying, BAM the air conditioning will turn on.

Regardless, I have lost track of time. There are no windows in the room where I study. The one clock is at my back and my computer's clock is hidden by the auto-hide taskbar feature. My taskbar is barely ever up because I have a kick-butt mouse set up to switch applications at the touch of a button. Hours fly by without my knowledge and the end-product is but a few sentences, a few edits, or a citation or two. I do not remember the sound of grass or the taste of sunshine. As Frodo said, I am naked in the dark. Come to think of it, there is some truth in the stated statements, albeit much is exaggerated. Maybe. Not sure what is/was/will be real.

Curse you, IRAC. Curse you, memo. I used to think that IRAC stood for Issue, Rule, Analysis, and Conclusion. It turns out, it stands for Intellectually Retarded, Analytically Crappy.

I just got out of a study session. We were reviewing for the upcoming Legal Process final. We tabbed the bluebook up. I am glad I started tabbing earlier in the semester, it was just so much easier finding the rules, etc. A common sense thing.

Speaking of time vortex, apparently scientists found one over the south pole. The story is years old but I find it fascinating to read about.
I think time is very interesting. The concept of it all. Man attempts to have some sort of control of time by attributing a system of gears and hands to it and placing it around his wrist. Does he not know that such an act has in fact made time control him? His constant checking of time making sure he is on time. His constant checking of time to see if he has no time. His constant checking of time just to check any time. Before the invention of watches and clocks, before the invention of time, the only concept of time in the Arab world was signified by the words 'now' and 'later.' If something needed to be done, do it now. If not, eh, do it later! Watches are the collar and time is the leash that leads men too quickly to a place that is too boring because they did not enjoy the path to there.

Law school is definitely like that. 80-90% of the students are in their early twenties, the prime of their life. And what are they doing? Spending hour after God-forsaken hour learning the law. If I could be in an apprenticeship, I would much rather do that than this. I think.

I would definitely give it a try.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Closed Libraries Are Bad Libraries

My law school's library is closed right now. It was closed all day. I can understand since my school is a Jewish affiliated school and they will want to be closed on the Sabbath, but not everybody in the school is Jewish. I'm not paying $35,000 a year to not be able to use my own school's facility. If you're gonna have a security guard in the building, you might as well make his job a little less redundant by opening the doors of the library and allowing students to study there.

Libraries are my elixir, living amongst microfiche enigmas, lessons awarding meaningful at my ease.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

First Year, First Entry

Let's cut the bird droppings and get right into business. I am in law school. This is my first year. It is the end of November. This means that finals are here.

What am I doing to prepare? Well, I got rid of my Facebook.

Let me let that sink in.

Pretty intense, eh? I remember when the Dean said, during orientation, to get rid of our social networking websites. I thought, "Ha! What a joke! I will never get rid of my Facebook!" I guess that was the first sign of concern. Who knows how many hours I have poured into that thing. Even during classes. Yes, I am guilty of surfing the net during class sometimes. I'm working on it. I have toned it down. How? Fake interest. If I tell my brain I love contracts and find every word that comes out of the professor's mouth fascinating, then my brain decides to eat everything up.

My brain is very gullible.

And that ends my several minute self-imposed break from my paper that is due in six days. Maybe my entries will become awesome over the next three years and perhaps I will become a wonder of the legal world and be mentioned in Student Lawyer. I love reading that magazine. I feel like I am getting insider tips on things. It is like the Men's Health of the legal world.

Oh, the primary reason I created this was because somebody's cell phone rang in the library and it irked me off to no end. Don't people know library etiquette? Also, it irks me when people flirt in the library. I didn't know people got their socks off to library books.

Girl: "Oh my, all these people so focused and studying, I can feel myself just in the need to FLIRT!"
Guy: "Oh yeah, forget grades, I want to live in the moment! And you are cute so I will flirt it with you! And who knows, perhaps a relationship will develop, although it will be completely pointless because we are in the same year and we are rivals and you'll want to end up being this type of lawyer and I'll want to be that type of lawyer so when it comes time to get our job know, that is too much thinking! Let's flirt!"
Me: (in my best Scottish accent) "How about you two quit getting your jollies off and become one of the literal-minded! Ye done nothing but whisper sweet nothings all evening and it has made me learn more about butterflies and sugarmuffins than personal jurisdiction."

If I fail out, I will find the flirters of law school libraries and throw things at them.

Good gravy chin-lickers!